True Love After 40

Some people have figured out how to create successful, happy relationships with the people they love.  What makes them different from those who live in perpetually miserable situations?

Of course, I have some ideas, and I'll share them.  Here are some of my thoughts about how people create successful, happy relationships:

• They are mindful of the Seven Deadly Habits and strive to keep them out of their relationships.  

William Glasser, MD, creator of Choice Theory, maintains that these Seven Deadly habits are what kill relationships.  These deadly habits are Criticizing, Blaming, Complaining, Nagging, Threatening, Punishing, and Reward/Bribing.  

• They take care of themselves, but are mindful of selfish behavior.  

They realize the difference between self-care and self-centered behavior.  They look out for each other.

• They consider their partner/spouse to be their friend.

In other words, they really like each other and enjoy spending time in each other's company.

• They are committed to making their relationship work.

When they decided to be a couple, they made it public.  They got married and told the world of their decision.  They don't have an "exit strategy" and they are in it for the long haul.  Their commitment means that they wouldn't dream of saying, "If this doesn't work, we'll just get a divorce."  That's not even in their thoughts.

Those are just some of my thoughts.  Now, I'd love to hear from you!  I would love know if you:

• consider yourself be happily married
• have fulfilling long-term relationships with friends, family, parents, children, etc. 
  
• have been happily married for 10 years or more
• have figured out what makes your relationships successful
• have gone from having a miserable relationship to having a thriving, happy one
• would like to share your own tips and tools for creating a successful, happy relationship

Please share your experiences at http://www.trueloveafter40.com/apps/forums/.

Michelle E. Vásquez, MS, LPC

Your Successful Couples Love Coach

My husband and  I have been married 25 years and the one piece of advice I would give is don't let your ego get in the way of your understanding.  What I mean is that over the years I am sure if I took everything he said, or if he took everything I said, personally then we would have had many fights but we don't.  For instance if I tell him that I don't like to hang out with his friends all the time, he doesn't see that as attacking him the same if he said it to me, but rather that we are two individuals with two personalities and that is ok.    To many couples have insecurities and they find themselves only seeing or hearing the worst even if that is not what is meant.

Bonnie, that is beautiful!  Wonderful advice.  It's great to hear from people who have been married and happy for a long time.  Your message inspires me. 

I hope that other readers will take this advice to heart.  The ego will work hard to defend itself.  It seems you and your husband are aware of this and have taken great strides to override the ego's influence.

Thanks so much for your post, Bonnie!  Michelle